The Miracle of North Kildare

Archives tie with North Kildare - 19 July 2024

In the end, Captain Dunphy had all the miracle workers he needed. We were in Kildare. St Brigid’s old stomping ground. It would have been only marginally less surprising to see her line out for the Archives than it would have been to see Wade Taylor in Archives white, after a 3-ish year absence. But Wade we got, as Brigid sat this one out.

Some chroniclers say that when Brigid was last at large in the Thoroughbred County,  she performed as many as 46 miracles, including healings, as well as making food or domestic animals appear, which she would then give to those in need. There was a fair bit of the channelling of the spirit of Brigid as the Archives ended up tying with North Kildare in a high scoring match, with the Archives batting second on a beautiful outfield.

How did it end up being high scoring, I hear you ask?

Well, here is the first of the wonders, for it appears that Kenny and Goldstein are miracle-workers in the style of the great Saint Brigid. Some might even say that their gift is greater, for while Brigid only made piddly stuff, like food and livestock, it turns out that our modern-day wonders Can Make Runs Appear Out Of Thin Air. That’s right: if you give them a stationary - or near-stationary - cricket ball under the right conditions (that is to say, anywhere near the boundary rope) they can take 1 run and Miraculously Turn It Into Four Runs.

The Dream 12th (Wo)Man

Shailesh Bajpai witnessed one such miracle as a clubbed shot trundled to a halt a little short of the deep extra cover boundary. It was now a simple matter of picking up the ball and throwing it back, but Kenny had a deeper intent, born of a determination that passeth understanding. Like all the best miracles, no one who witnessed it can quite agree on exactly how it happened, but moments after the ball had stopped, very much on this side of the boundary, the first Miracle of the Three Runs happened.

The first Miracle of the Three Runs you say? Oh yes, for witchcraft was in the air and later, off the bowling of the Director, Russell performed the second Miracle of the Three Runs as he too marshalled – with a counterintuitively meticulous inattention to detail – the ball over the rope.

Of the third Miracle of the Three Runs we shall not speak for there were other phenomena afoot. Whatever suffused Kenny and Goldstein seeped into the whole team. Although North Kildare scored well with big hitters in their ranks, they never ran riot as Captain Dunphy’s every decision seemed to pay off. An early brainless run out, off the bowling of Fletcher, was backed up by the Miracle of the Director’s Catch off the bowling of Pickford and then the Miracle of the Director Hitting the Top of Off. There was also a wicket for Kenny or perhaps Hill too (the North Kildare scorebook is a mess). I remember a fine catch by Michael Lewis at cover.

But everything that happened was a mere amuse bouche for the big one: the Miracle of Wade’s Second Over. He hadn’t played for 4-ish years; North Kildare were starting to assert themselves again after their early setbacks; Wade’s first over had featured no hint of the divine. But his second over featured a caught and bowled. Then he had a little two-ball rest. And then he did it again. And, according to the scorebook, it was also a maiden. Arguably three different Miracles, but we had almost stopped counting by then.

Notwithstanding all that, and only having one batter who retired (retirement was set at 25, for some reason) North Kildare somehow got to 140.

Hill and Budd set off in pursuit, with the former not able to get in on the miracle game with the bat. Budd and Bajpai each eased to retirement with (pleasingly enough) five 4s each. We were on the rate. For a while. Then Lewis was out for 2, swiftly followed by the Miracle of Fletcher Not Killing Kenny, after the latter ran out the former for a duck, possibly without even facing a ball.

The Director joined Kenny in the middle. It was time to get a move on, but the Kildare bowlers were – at first – not co-operating. If we couldn’t hit the ball, we would at least run byes as if our lives depended on it. Eventually the bowling abated, there was time for the Miracle of the Cover Drive for Four. All of a sudden, a move had been got on: Kenny was run out one short of his retirement, followed by a brief flurry of Taylor and the Director, before the latter retired. Could Taylor and Goldstein see us home? Was the South African ready for the Tasmanian’s patented ‘Run Everything’ approach to Taverners cricket?

The last over loomed. 12 needed to win. 11 to tie. There were two wides (the Miracle of the Much-Needed Wides, some might say). There were scurried ones and twos. Suddenly the last ball loomed: 6 for victory; 4 for a tie; Taylor on strike; calmest man in Kildare; imbued with the holy spirit of the saint herself. He swung languidly. The ball rolled over the long off boundary. Match tied. Never in doubt.

Except that in the score book I am looking at, it says only 10 were scored off the last over. One last miracle perhaps? In any event, one of the great Archives outings and a game in which any one of 5 (or more) Archivers could have laid claim to be man of the match.

[Written by: Simon Mills]

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